VT&R: Concerning Things Boys Have Told Me on Dates

VT&R: Concerning Things Boys Have Told Me on Dates

VT&R: Concerning Things Boys Have Told Me on Dates

A Weekly Column by Matthew Hawkins

1. “I’m sorry about your neck.”

2. “The last time I talked to my biological father is when he bailed me out of jail.”

3. “What if I killed you on this first date and you never came back—because I killed you?”

4. “You look like a smoker.”

5. “Don’t touch it too much. I’m sensitive.”

6. “You are my sketchy phase.”

7. “I’m an Aries.”

8. “If you do not want to hook up in this Subway / gas station hybrid parking lot, would you like me to drive to a different neighborhood?”

9. “One time, this guy shit on my stomach.”

10. “All my teeth are fake.”

11. “I voted for Donald Trump. Twice.”

12. Text message number one: “Today, I was running on the treadmill and I had to stop because I got a huge boner.”

Text message number two: “Thinking of you.”

13. “I’ve only done meth once.”

13.5. ”I’ve only done meth once, but I’d totally do it again.”

14. “How did your ex fuck you? I want to fuck you like that.”

15. “I exclusively shop at Whole Foods.”

16. “Don’t stop. You’ll know when I'm finished.”

17. “But, you’ve done this with so many people!”

18. “Don’t throw the condom away in the trashcan. I don’t want to get it dirty.”

19. “One time I had scabies.”

20. “I don’t want to finish. Lil’ Wayne says when you cum, the thoughts come.”

Chicago Suite

Chicago Suite

Emancipation Day

Emancipation Day