Drunk Poems: The 6 Guys You'll Fuck Off Tinder

Nemo

We were quick witted and quirky (in a lame way).

We shared a large Coke slushy spiked with cheap whiskey.

We were in love in another life

and we were gods in that past life.

I tried to make it something it wasn't.

 

Zach

We have boring dates.

We sit in your Uptown apartment and carry on boring conversations.

We have amazing sex

and. it. is. so. fucking. boring. 

I'm easily bored, just text me back. 

 

Dylan

We tried too hard to impress each other. 

We ignored minor responsibilities. 

We were horny & lonely

and drunk.

I was out of my league.

 

Pete

We watched that big hockey game together.

We drank tequila, wine, & hard cider.

We started to kiss

and then I blacked out.

I think that's called rape, technically speaking. 

 

Sean

We shared a good night together.

We pretended we were interested in the movie I put on.

We had kinky sex

and you have a big dick. 

I used you.

 

Reed

I still think I love you.

I invited you over, you owed me tacos.

I gave you genuine attention

but I came on too strong.

We should have at least fucked, geez. 

The Masculinity Spectrum

The Masculinity Spectrum

Obviously